6 Signs You Need Couples/Marriage Counselling
Posted By Sue Sonshine
All relationships are unique. Every relationship ebbs and flows with wonderful times of joy and harmony as well as challenging and times of frustration. As couples are spending more time together than before it’s easier to get triggered and tensions can easily rise. You don’t need to wait until you have reached your breaking point to reach out for help. Many experts recommend seeking counselling at the first sign that something is amiss. There need not be a stigma to seeking couples counselling. The average married couple waits six years before attending couples counselling. Remember you are both on the same team. It’s a win for both of you. A Couples counsellor is there to help you.
Not Constructive Communication
When you are communicating with each other but it’s often negative. When one partner feels misunderstood, disrespected, judged or shamed it’s time to get help. This communication can include nonverbal communication and tone of voice too not just what is said. Couples therapy with an experienced therapist can be very effective especially when couples seek out help sooner rather than later.
When trust has been broken, perhaps it was a sexual infidelity or an emotional affair; perhaps it was lies or deception about money. When you think your partner is lying or when you know you are definitely lying. Trust can be broken while using social media. The rebuilding of trust can happen when both partners are able to feel free to express themselves in a safe space. A skilled couples counsellor can equip you with tools and techniques to help you connect, feel heard and understand each other’s needs and rebuild trust.
Consistent Stress In Difficult Times
When you have been through something devastating such as quarantining during a pandemic and the stress that this challenge brings is changing the way you connect with each other. Under stress any difficulties seem bigger. Sometimes a setback in life has an impact on a marriage or a couples relationship, whether it is the result of a health crisis, unemployment or an issue in one’s family of origin. Couples are spending more time together than before and tensions can easily rise. It’s best to keep your bond strong to weather the storm that may have come.
Lack of Emotional Intimacy
When your emotional intimacy with each other is not good and you have grown apart. You are living separate lives and your relationship feels more like roommates than soul mates. When you think about or are having an affair it may be a signal that you desire something different in your relationship. Sometimes this is because the grind of daily life has gotten in the way of connecting and it is a matter of reprioritizing. Rather than viewing couples counselling as a solution to a crisis look at it as one aspect of a healthy lifestyle.
When your communication with each other is poor and/or when your partner isn’t listening to you. Perhaps you are being tuned out even though your partner hears you. If you find your partner is rubbing you the wrong way consider reaching out to a couples therapist. Perhaps your partner is using social media as a way to tune you out. Perhaps they communicate with people on their social media that is not a good influence on your relationship.
When you keep having the same argument. When your home is either really loud from arguing or very quiet from the silent treatment it’s time for an intervention. Couples should seek therapy long before they think they need to. Couples counselling is a form of relationship upkeep. Talking to a neutral third party is a way to resolve a recurring issue. Conflicts can be an opportunity to build a stronger relationship. Most couples wait much too long before seeking help!
Often we don’t go into a relationship with tools to manage the challenges that inevitably come our way. With the help of a therapist you can break negative patterns and restore your connection. Relationships require nurturance. You need to devote time and energy to your partner no matter how long you have been in your relationship.